


If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Disabled Character, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-26 21:52:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1703843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Because I never want you to feel like I’m putting you second, Liam!” Zayn suddenly explodes. Liam is looking at him with a combination of shock and something close to fear so he barrels on, too tired to even consider the consequences. “Because I care about you more than I care about anything else in this entire world and if you’re upset and you don’t wanna be alone then I don’t want to be the one who made you feel like you can’t come to me for anything ever, okay?”</p><p>Or the one where Zayn is helplessly in love, Liam is scared that he's a burden, Harry plays basketball, Louis wants to set the world to rights and Niall wants his best friends to sort their shit out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [medusianAllure](https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusianAllure/gifts).



> I've been working on this for a long time because I really wanted to do this prompt proper justice. I really hope I have!
> 
> Title taken from Led Zeppelin's Thank You.
> 
> I do not own One Direction. If I did, Zayn would be shagging me, not Liam.

It’s the end of the game, Liam has a giant grin across his face and Zayn wants to kiss him.

Well, actually, he wants to do a lot more than that. Things like riding his brains out as he licks the sweat from his collarbones springs to mind but he can’t do that, he can’t, because Liam is his best friend and doesn’t see him that way.

“Zayn!” he calls excitedly and Zayn hurries over, accepting the fist bump offered to him. “How good were we?!”

“You were fucking excellent, babe,” he grins. He wants to run a hand through Liam’s sweaty fringe but he resists because calling him babe and doing that in the same five seconds might be a little weird. Liam doesn’t seem to notice though, adrenalin high as he rolls his wheelchair almost daintily over to another player to high five them.

Zayn leans back against the wall and watches as players all whizz past to slap Liam’s back and sing his praises. He’s easily the best player on the team and Zayn is so fucking proud but it’s getting to the point where he’s finding it more and more difficult to conceal his feelings, especially as Liam just looks so _fucking_ good out there, all strong arms and determined faces.

It’s not rational to think of someone’s neck veins as beautiful, Zayn is just reasoning with himself when he hears his name called again, this time from Niall. He opens his arms just in time for the boy to plummet into him and he hugs him back tightly.

“How’s it going, loverboy?” he asks teasingly and Zayn glares, pulling away and leaning back against the wall.

“Fuck you. Same old, same old anyway. Got my final piece due in in three days but couldn’t miss the quarter finals, could I?”

“You know he’d understand,” Niall retorts with an eye roll. “You just don’t wanna miss an opportunity to stare at his arm muscles.”

“Niall!” Zayn hisses, looking frantically over his shoulder but Liam’s too busy talking to Harry to even notice. “I am never getting drunk with you again, I can’t fucking _believe_ I told you.”

“Oh please,” Niall snorts. “One, I’m the best drinking buddy a man could ask for and two, it’s fucking obvious to anyone. I’m pretty sure blind people could tell you’re completely arse over elbow.”

“Arse over elbow for who?” comes Louis’ voice. He shuffles over to them and leans on Niall’s shoulder, grinning wide over at where Harry and Liam are still chatting animatedly. 

“Niall’s arse over elbow for Jade, but what else is new?” Zayn says smoothly, watching Niall go from joking to heart eyes in less than a second.

“Ah, my lovely Jade. My gorgeous, sweet, wonderful, beautiful…”

“Stop, please.” Louis makes a gagging face and swats Niall away, despite the fact that he’s leaning on him. “I thought it would be something I didn’t already know.”

“Where is she anyway?” Zayn asks.

“Couldn’t get the time off work. Dry cleaning clothes is a serious business. And besides, she doesn’t really like sports; only comes if I drag her.”

“What a beautiful sex life you two must share,” Louis teases and Niall flips him the finger. 

Harry and Liam roll over then, both with wide grins. “Hey gang!” Liam chirps happily, sliding gracefully over so he slots in between Niall and Zayn, beaming up at them. Harry rolls next to Louis, reaching for his hands and the pair share a sweet kiss. “Are we ready to go?”

“Yeah babe,” Zayn grins, stepping forward to open the door so both Liam and Harry can roll through, followed by an eye-rolling Niall and a skipping Louis, chatting animatedly about how fucking brilliant the game was. Zayn trails behind, almost not wanting to talk to Liam because after a match he’s always so chatty and happy and completely oblivious to the fact that Zayn wants to jump his bones and suck the adrenalin right out of him.

They get to the car park and they all go their separate ways; Harry and Louis back to theirs, Niall off to pick Jade up from work and Liam and Zayn back to the bungalow they share. Although Niall lives there too he’s rarely at home because Jade’s happens to be closer to campus, which means that Zayn doesn’t have much choice than to spend all his time with Liam. Not that he minds but sometimes he feels like it’s almost too responsibility and he wants nothing more than to get away and clear his head.

They pull up to Liam’s specially-designed car and Zayn opens the door for him so he can slide into the driver’s seat. He braces his arms on Zayn’s shoulders and Zayn carefully helps him in, Liam pulling his legs in one at a time once he’s sat comfortably.

Zayn folds Liam’s wheelchair and slides it into the boot before taking his place in the passenger seat. 

Liam starts up the engine then reverses slowly. It’s been so many years of friendship but even now Zayn still marvels at how well Liam can cope with every day obstacles. He always wonders if this pride is something to do with the attraction and even though he knows Liam does rely on him somewhat, he also can do so much on his own, even driving for fuck’s sake.

“I can’t believe we’re in the fucking semis!” Liam cries out excitedly, his fist banging on the horn as they drive out of the car park and onto the main road. “Did you see my baskets? One of them I was so convinced I was going to fuck up!”

“Of course I did, Li, I was front row, wasn’t I?” Zayn says playfully. Liam nods but carries on babbling away proudly, hands moving animatedly so he’s driving precariously one-handed. Zayn still marvels at how easy and natural it comes to him, learning to drive so well that he almost forgets he has a disability sometimes.

The drive home isn’t long and when they get home it’s starting to get dark. Liam parks the car and Zayn steps out first, unfolding the wheelchair from the back and manoeuvring it round to Liam’s door. He opens the door for him and leans forward so Liam can brace himself on his shoulders again, angling him carefully so he can drop his whole body weight back into his wheelchair with practiced ease.

Liam beeps the car locked behind him and then rolls forward to unlock the front door. Zayn grabs both his bag and Liam’s sports bag from the back seat and follows him inside, bolting the door and dropping their stuff in the hallway as he toes off his boots.

“What do you wanna eat?” Liam calls from the kitchen but Zayn can already hear him opening the drawer where they keep the takeaway menus.

“Um, something quick!” Zayn calls back. “I really need to get some work done so whatever you fancy!”

“’K, well then I might get us a curry, if you’re down?”

“Thanks babe!” Zayn says, already in his bedroom pulling off his clothes so he can wear his art sweats. He really _really_ needs to focus but he finds it so hard to deny Liam anything that he’s almost definitely going to end up Liam stay and chat with him because he knows how much Liam hates being left on his own.

He kicks the mess on his bedroom floor to the side as much as he can and pulls his easel out from the top of his wardrobe. His massive project is due in a week and he’s so so so so _so_ behind schedule it’s not even funny so he’s probably going to have to pull a couple of all-nighters this week, to his dismay.

“Liam?” he yells out his doorway. “I’m gonna close my door, alright?” Liam hollers back his acknowledgement so he slides the door closed quickly and quietly, not wanting Liam to actually see how little work he’s done.

He’s got nine canvases all sketched out of different views of their university: at night, during the snow, during the rain, so now it’s just a case of painting them. He screws the first canvas into place and plugs his headphones in, his brush slowly dancing over the canvas like he relishes in. He works for a solid hour until he’s snapped out of his reverie by a hand on his hip.

Instinctively he jumps and hits backwards, but then his rational mind catches up with him and tells him it’s only Liam, whose holding his hands up in mock defence. “Fuck, you made me jump!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Liam says sheepishly. “I didn’t realise you had your headphones in, I was calling you for a few minutes. Dinner’s here.”

Zayn nods and drops his iPod on his bed, following Liam out of his room and down the hallway to the living room. Liam’s set dinner out on their scrappy coffee table and there are two cans of Pepsi beside the plates. Zayn grabs the one next to his plate and cracks it open, downing half of it in one go.

Liam’s scooping rice onto his plate, balancing it on the couch as he grabs the arm and shifts himself out of his wheelchair before pulling the plate onto his lap and digging in. Zayn stands up and hands him his own can of Pepsi before settling into the armchair and attacking his own curry.

“This is so good!” he moans, his stomach grateful for the comfort food while his brain’s all in a mess. Liam grins as he spears another piece of meat.

“How’s the work going anyway?” he asks. Zayn closes his eyes and opens them again slowly as he exhales almost dramatically, knowing that honesty is not the best policy here. 

“Fine, I guess. I’m just hoping that it’s what my professors want, you know? I don’t think I’ve really put enough thought into it but it’s a bit late now.” He tries for a laugh but he’s nervous as all hell about this and he definitely hasn’t worked enough and he hates how disappointed in himself he feels.

“Zayn,” Liam says slowly. “You’re a brilliant artist. You’re so close to getting your degree in this and people pay good money for your artwork. You put so much thought into everything; I hate it when you put yourself down.”

Zayn ducks his head hoping Liam can’t see his blush. Liam’s always been like this, open and nothing but complimentary about everything Zayn does, like Zayn is genuinely the best thing in the world to him. _I wish he wouldn’t,_ he thinks almost bitterly.

“Thanks, Li. You think too highly of me though," Zayn says with a small smile. 

"I don't think that's possible, Zee," Liam says. "How much have you got left to do?"

"Ummm," Zayn hesitates, smearing his naan bread around in his sauce. "Should be ready in time. Got a few more canvases to do but they aren't too big."

It's a lie, it's a massive blatant lie but Liam's smile reaches his eyes and they crinkle and Zayn has to use all his self-control for his breath not to hitch. 

"I can't wait to see them," Liam says as he spoons the last forkful of rice into his mouth. 

"Mmmm," Zayn replies, trying to subtlety avoid the point. "What are you gonna do for the rest of night?"

Liam's hand stills from where he's breaking up his poppadum. "Um, I d-don't know. Probably watch a film or something?" 

Zayn sighs, knowing Liam always panics when both he and Niall are too busy to keep him occupied. There's been many an unfortunate night where Zayn's come home late for whatever reason and he's found Liam mid-panic attack because too long on his own leads him to relive his accident and relive his entire recovery journey.

"Look, Li, I just..."

"No, Zee, it's fine!" Liam says too cheerily. "You have work, I get it! I'll lift some weights then I'll have a shower and then watch some Netflix or something. I'm not a complete cripple just yet." He tries to laugh but it's forced and Zayn's heart breaks. 

"You're not a complete cripple full stop," he argues, setting his plate down on the coffee table. "You're a good person, you're my best friend and you're Niall and Louis and Harry's best friend and you're a son and a brother and you're not a cripple, do you hear me?"

Liam has his speech memorised by now but despite his small smile, Zayn can tell he still doesn't believe him. He lets out a long sigh and stands up, pressing his lips into Liam's forehead and cupping his face in his hands.

"If you need me at all, you know where I am."

Liam nods as he pulls his chair forward and settles himself inside it. They both know that Liam is far too proud but Zayn tells him anyway. 

They both disappear into their own bedrooms and Zayn plugs his headphones back in, turning up his work playlist loud enough to drown out his thoughts.

It's half eleven by the time Zayn's finished two canvases and he's actually quite impressed with what he's done. He reckons he can get at least another done before sleep fully takes him over so he scrubs a hand over his face and takes his headphones out, heading out his room so he can wee and make some coffee. 

It's only when he's walking back past Liam's bedroom to his own, the hug Niall bought him for Christmas with the words I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON, FUCK OFF written on it when he hears his least favourite noise in the whole world. 

He winces and sets the coffee mug on the floor, knocking gently on Liam's door as he calls his name softly. "Liam? Babe?"

Liam groans softly. Zayn opens the door and sees him hurriedly wipe his eyes on his sleep shirt, shaking his head. "I'm fine, Zayn, honestly. I just..."

Wordlessly, Zayn slips into his room and under the covers, pulling Liam close to him. "Babe..."

"I'm okay," Liam sniffs. "I'm okay, it's just... today was such a big day and it made me feel like I was worth something again but then I was alone and it's like, does it matter to anyone but me? Real sportsmen don't care about what cripple sportsmen do." He spits the last sentence out with such venom that Zayn can't help but pull him closer. 

"Liam, it's important to you. Who cares if it's important to anyone else? And it's important to me too _because_ it's important to you. Same with Niall and Louis and Harry, for fuck's sake, it's his life too."

Liam sighs and snuggles closer to him, his legs clumsily dragging the duvet away from Zayn but right now he couldn't care less. His still-wet hair tickles Zayn's nose and they lie together for a while, Zayn just holding Liam close until he just can't anymore.

The problem with this is that Zayn doesn’t even know if Liam’s gay or not. In the three years they’ve been friends he’s never shown any interest in another person, instead always focusing on his sports or his studies. He half-puts Liam’s cuddliness down to the fact that you can’t not cuddle if you share a house with Niall but sometimes Liam holds him in that way that makes Zayn’s heart stutter, almost deceiving him into thinking there could be something more.

"You always know the right things to say," Liam mumbles. 

"Because it's the truth," Zayn says firmly. 

"Will you... will you sleep here tonight? I know you're working but..."

"No, no, of course I will," Zayn cuts him off before he can change his own mind. "Just let me clean my teeth and change out of my paint clothes, okay?"

Liam nods and wipes his eyes one more time as Zayn slips out, ignoring his coffee in favour of hurrying back into his room and changing into pyjama bottoms and an old band top before padding to the bathroom and cleaning his teeth. 

He flicks the hall light, knowing Niall won't be home tonight, and slips back into Liam's bed, adjusting the duvet over his legs before pulling it over himself. He goes to press a kiss on Liam's forehead but they catch each other's eyes and just stare, the air suddenly thick with tension. 

Eventually Zayn just ducks down and presses his lips onto Liam's forehead briefly then he sets himself to the side of him, mentally cursing but not wanting to cross any boundaries while Liam is so obviously fragile.

He falls asleep after a long while, listening to Liam's heavy breathing, his heart in his throat as he wonders how long he can keep pretending that he's okay with their current situation. 

*

It turns out that the answer is three days.

Zayn is stressed to absolute fuck. He's got seven out of nine canvases done and it's due in in eight hours and he's falling asleep standing up and he needs to piss so bad because he's drunk so much coffee and he's ten seconds from breaking point really. 

It's three o'clock in the morning as he starts his second to last canvas, working like a robot as he mixes yellow paints to try and emulate the colour of the summer sun when there's a tentative knock on his door.

He whips round, eyes wide and opens the door scraping his free hand through his fringe.

"Zayn?" says Liam curiously, "I thought I heard something. Why aren't you asleep?"

Zayn blows out a lot of air through his nose. “Because, Liam, my final piece is due in in eight hours and it’s not finished, that’s why!”

Liam looks taken aback by Zayn’s aggression. “B-but you told me you were nearly done.” He surveys the room and sees all the canvases spread around drying. “You’re not though, are you?” He looks like a wounded puppy. “Zayn, did you lie to me? You said you were done.”

“Yeah, well, I lied,” Zayn says sharply. He exhales angrily again and starts slapping paint onto the canvas haphazardly, suddenly wanting Liam far away for the first time in his life.

“Zayn, I…” Liam starts but then Zayn whips round, his eyes wide. 

“Look, Liam, can you, like, go? I really need to get this done and it’s kinda your fault it’s not done anyway so can you like...”

Liam’s mouth drops to the floor. “My fault?!” he asks incredulously, “how the fuck is this my fault?”

Zayn looks like he’s regretting all his life choices. “It… it isn’t really, okay? Forget I said anything.” He picks up his paintbrush again but Liam slides forward and grabs his wrist.

“No, Zayn, tell me what you meant.” He swallows nervously. 

Zayn doesn’t reply. “Is it… is it because I ask you to do stuff with me in the evenings? Because you can always say no, I’m not forcing you!” Still no reply from Zayn. “Like if you didn’t want to play FIFA with me last night you should have just let me know and I would’ve made plans with- with Harry and Louis or I could have texted Niall or even Andy…”

“Because I never want you to feel like I’m putting you second, Liam!” Zayn suddenly explodes. Liam is looking at him with a combination of shock and something close to fear so he barrels on, too tired to even consider the consequences. “Because I care about you more than I care about anything else in this entire world and if you’re upset and you don’t wanna be alone then I don’t want to be the one who made you feel like you can’t come to me for anything ever, okay?”

“Why?” Liam asks after a pregnant pause, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I can’t have this conversation right now, Liam,” Zayn chokes out. He turns back to his painting because he doesn’t want to see the expression on Liam’s face. “I have too much work and this is too important to me to do right now.”

“Zayn…” Liam says, swallowing thickly. “You never… I mean… what are you saying?” He looks angrily down at his legs. “If you want some huge romantic gesture then you’re gonna have to be the one to initiate it because I want to kiss you so fucking badly right now and I _can’t_ …”

Zayn whips his head round and stares down at Liam, who looks like he’s about to cry with frustration and exasperation. He’s breathing quickly and they end up just looking at each other for a few seconds, Zayn’s mouth hanging open as he tries in vain to formulate words. 

“You… don’t want to kiss me,” Liam says slowly, breaking the silence. “I get it, I get it. I’m sorry; I’ll leave you to it.” He puts his hands on his wheels and starts to move backwards and then Zayn’s brain finally catches up with him. 

“No!” he shouts, grabbing Liam’s hand off the wheel to stop him moving. Liam pulls it away angrily but Zayn pulls him around and drops to his knees in front of him, holding him in place.

“I’ve wanted to kiss you every single day for the last two and a half years, Liam,” he says earnestly. “I just… if I start now, I won’t be able to stop and I can’t afford to fuck my final piece up, I can’t…”

Liam’s face softens and he nods understandingly. “I’ve waited two and a half years too,” he says softly. “I guess waiting another nine hours is something I can do.” Zayn beams and squeezes his hand, grinning wide all of a sudden.

“Have we been stupid or have we been stupid?” he says with a small laugh and Liam’s smile widens, reaching his eyes in that way Zayn craves. 

“Quite stupid, I’d say,” he says with a giggle, bringing Zayn’s hand up to his mouth and brushing his lips over the knuckles gently. “Get back to work and I’ll see you in a few hours, okay?” Zayn nods, squeezes Liam’s hand one more time and then stands back up, dusting down his knees. Liam spins and glides back down the hallway to his room, Zayn following him out but heading to the bathroom.

He pisses quickly, his grin wide and his heart fluttering. He’s in an actual state of shock right now because if Liam isn’t lying, which he doesn't think he is because Liam's not like that and this means he could have been kissing him for so so so much longer. He washes his hands and scrubs a hand over his face, suddenly a lot more awake and feeling a thousand times more alive.

He hurries back to his room and shuts the door, picking up his paint palette and working diligently until the sun starts to rise. 

He finishes them with an hour to spare, hurriedly gathering up his canvases and changing out of his paint clothes into a pair of clean trackies and a plain black top, hurrying to clean his teeth before he bundles all the canvases into his art folder (carrying the two still wet ones in his hands) and starts the half hour walk to campus, not wanting to wake Liam. 

He hurries into the art building and heads to the office of his professor, grabbing the submission forms from the hallway and filling them in against the wall. He then carefully knocks on his door, informs his tutor that two of them are still wet because he was doing the final touches this morning and then hurries out, telling Dr. Abbott that he has an urgent appointment (which he doesn't even consider that much of a lie). 

He hurries out and practically jogs home, too excited and giddy with the idea that he's fucking finished university and he's got Liam waiting for him at home and everything he's been waiting to happen since he started at this goddamn university is about to happen.

He gets home and unlocks the door, smelling pancakes and his expensive coffee that he hides from Niall behind the pot plants. 

"Liam?" he calls. 

"Kitchen!" Liam calls back. Zayn hears the clatter of a utensil hit the side and he toes off his shoes and pads inside towards the voice, his grin wide as he thinks of what to come.

Their tiny table is laid with freshly cooked pancakes and golden syrup, coffee brewed in a cafetiere that Zayn didn't even know they owned. A single red rose is stood in a thin, chipped glass and then there's Liam, perched in his chair by the stove, crinkly smile evident. 

"Hi," Zayn says slowly from the doorway.

"Hi yourself," Liam says back, his grin never faltering. 

They slide closer to each other; the air thick like it was the other night. They get closer but then Liam pulls back, not looking at Zayn but with his hand still cupping Zayn's cheek. 

"Can we... can we not do this with me in my chair?"

Zayn searches to catch his eyes carefully. "Whatever you want, babe." Liam nods his agreement almost shyly and rolls over towards the couch, swinging himself out of the chair and onto it, shifting back against the pillows. 

Zayn follows, sitting next to him almost cautiously. "Your breakfast is gonna get cold," he murmurs.

"Don't care," Liam murmurs back. "Pancakes I can make again. First kisses come but once every two and a half years."

"Oh yeah?" Zayn says with a grin. "You planning on only keeping me around for two and a half years?"

"Depends how good you are at kissing," Liam replies, waggling his eyebrows. "J-just so you know though, I, er, I can't kissed anyone since before my accident so I don't know if I'll be any good."

"I don't care," Zayn says with a small shake of his head. "I only care that it's you."

Liam smiles again. "Are- are we doing this then?"

Zayn doesn't reply, just closes the gap between their lips at long last. Liam gasps but parts his lips, letting their mouths move together smoothly.

Liam's lips are soft and only a little chapped and he tastes like syrup and coffee and everything Zayn's wanted since he was eighteen years old. He's a little sloppy and out of practice like he said he would be but Zayn still definitely pins this down as the best kiss he's had in all his life, purely because he's never had one with so much emotion before.

Liam pulls away after a few seconds, looking at Zayn curiously as if to gage how okay he is. Zayn runs his thumb across Liam's cheekbones gently and then they're kissing again, this time Zayn tugging Liam closer so their bodies are flush. His fingers dance under the hem of Liam's sweatshirt and he gasps into his mouth again, his own hands tangled in Zayn's hair. 

"Fuck!" Liam gasps, pulling back but keeping his hands in Zayn's hair. "Just... fuck!"

Zayn grins, kissing him one last time, a quick press of their lips together. "I know babe, I know." 

"Babe," Liam echoes. "You've always called me babe, I... I really like it."

"I'll call you babe every day forever, if you'll let me." It's a bold statement, Zayn knows it is, but right now he's so ready to call Liam his after waiting for so damn long that he's feeling on top of the world. 

"You want me for that long?" 

"Babe, I've wanted you for two and a half years. Two and a half years, you hear me? So it would be an honour to be yours, if that's what you want?"

"Of course it's what I want," Liam murmurs, his thumb stroking over Zayn's mandala on his wrist. 

"I can't believe I could have been doing this for years and I just haven't been," Zayn says with a snort. Liam just shakes his head, grinning shyly as he cups Zayn's face again. He looks into his eyes like he's silently asking for permission.

Zayn kisses him again, just because he can. Liam's like a drug and he's like an addict, finally getting his fix after a long time apart. 

They kiss and they kiss, exploring every part of each other's mouths until they hear the jingle of keys and their door unlock. They break apart, though Liam's hands stay on the back on Zayn's neck as Niall enters the room. 

His face splits into a massive grin and he jumps in between them with a cackle, breaking them apart as he winds an arm around each of their necks as he smacks kisses into every inch of their skin he can get to. 

"Fucking finally!" he yells, punctuating his point with a smacking kiss on the corner of Zayn's mouth. Zayn shoves him away but he's laughing and Liam's beaming too as Niall steadies himself back on his feet. 

"You guys!" he says as he pretends to swoon. "Took you bloody long enough!" 

"Oh fuck off, Horan," Zayn snaps, though without malice. "You could have fucking told me he felt the same."

"Niall knew?!" Liam asks incredulously. 

"Well, kind of," Zayn says sheepishly, "only because I was drunk."

"Oh," Liam says, but he's smiling. 

"So," Niall says, interrupting their heart eyes, "are you boyfriends now? Will I have to spend more time at Jade's so I don't hear you fuck?"

Liam blushes and Zayn gathers him closer. "You're always there anyway. I'm surprised you're not there now. We thought we'd be free to have sweet sweet couch sex."

Niall wrinkles his nose. "Oh fucking hell. If you do that I'll kick your asses. I don't care if it's two against one either, Zayn's weaker than a fucking stick insect."

"Yeah but Liam's strong enough for the both of us so I'd be real scared if I were you!" Zayn hisses back.

Liam gives a small laugh and Zayn looks over at him, disgustingly fondly. "So we're boyfriends now?" he asks a little unsurely.

"Yes," Zayn says firmly, linking their fingers and kissing his knuckles. "If that's what you want?"

"S-so much," Liam stutters out, his dopey smile back. "I just wasn't sure if that's what you wanted."

"Babe," Zayn raises his eyebrow as he thumbs over Liam's knuckles. "Did you not hear me before? Two and a half years, Li. Yes, I fucking want this."

"O-okay," Liam says, trying to sound as firm as Zayn had but failing. Zayn keeps his eyebrows raised but decides to ask Liam later rather than in front of Niall. 

Niall too has raised eyebrows but leaves it, instead dropping himself dramatically into Liam's lap. 

"Anywaaaaay," he draws out, slinging an arm around Liam's neck, "I'm excited to spend some real quality time with my favourite boys before they start shagging every minute of every day." He sniffs. "Do I smell pancakes?"

"Yeah, help yourself," Liam says, gesturing to the kitchen. Niall kisses him on the cheek then slides down his legs so he's balancing on his calves. 

Zayn glares and pushes him off but Liam just shrugs, snuggling back into the cushions. "It's okay, Zayn, it's not like I can feel it, is it?"

"Doesn't make it okay," Zayn argues but Liam shakes his head and draws him back in for another kiss.

"So whatcha wanna do today now I've finished uni?"

"Well I've gotta go into the gym in a couple of hours but I guess you could come? Hang with Louis and then the five of us could do something later?"

"Yeah, yeah sure," Zayn nods. Niall suddenly appears in the doorway holding a giant plate of cold pancakes and flopping into the armchair. 

"You hear that, Ni? Boys night with Haz and Lou tonight?"

"Yeah cool," Niall splutters through a huge mouthful of breakfast. "Although are you sure you don't wanna spend your first night as a married couple making sweet, sweet love?"

Liam's hand grips Zayn's tighter on instinct and Zayn brings it to his mouth, kissing it reassuringly. 

"Because we want to celebrate amongst friends," he snaps. Niall shrugs through a mouthful of pancake and carries on eating.

Liam gives a small smile and Zayn resolves to talk to him about it later. But for now he's content to hold Liam in his arms at long last and just chat with his best friend and enjoy the fact that uni is done and he can finally focus on what he's wanted to for a long time. 

*

The difference between being Liam's best friend and being his boyfriend at training is that he can now happily stare at his arms without looking creepy as shit. 

Liam grins as he tosses the ball to Josh, his muscles almost rippling as he pushes himself forward closer to the hoops, arms open for Harry to throw to him so he can score. 

"Easy tiger," Louis coos, dropping himself in the seat next to Zayn. "He might think you like him with heart eyes like that."

"Fuck yourself," Zayn says happily. "For your information, we are now very much together!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Louis gapes, engulfing Zayn into a massive hug. "Thank the fucking messiah; I've been waiting on this for ages. Harry owes me ten quid."

Zayn splutters. "Are you serious? Did everyone know apart from me and Liam?"

"Pretty much," Louis says, fishing a packet of gum out of his pocket. He offers a piece to Zayn and fist bumps him proudly. He grins and accepts, letting Louis pull him in for a noogie afterwards. 

The horn sounds and then Liam and Harry are both wheeling over to the stands, both with massive grins on their faces. Louis lets Zayn go and jumps down to give Harry a smacking kiss and Liam simply sidles up to Zayn, holding out his hand tentatively. 

Zayn takes it confidently and stands up, running his hand through his sweaty fringe. "You played great today, babe."

"Babe," Liam repeats softly so only he can hear him. They share a quick peck and Harry punches Liam playfully in the arm, also grinning wide. 

"This is a fabulous day, even if I do owe Lou ten quid," says Harry delightedly. "We've been rooting for you two for so long."

"Thanks," Liam says with a duck of his head, his fingers locking with Zayn's over his shoulder. 

"Pizza and games at ours to celebrate then?" Zayn asks as the four of them head towards the exit. "Ni's coming a bit later after work."

"Sounds great!" Louis says, rummaging in his pockets for his car keys. "Want us straight over or in a couple of hours?"

"Now's cool," Liam tells them. "Get a head start before Mr. Guinness 2013 shows up and shows us all up."

"Fucking hell, I forgot that," Louis groans, opening the passenger door to their car. Harry grips the straps there to help him inside and yanks himself in, tugging his legs in afterwards. 

"See you in a few then!" he calls as he pulls the door closed. Louis salutes, slides Harry's wheelchair into the boot and then heads around to the driver's side. 

Harry's paralysis is slightly more severe than Liam's - he's paralysed from the entire waist down whereas Liam is only paralysed from the knees down so driving is out of the question for him. 

"Come on, you," Zayn says, hands gripping Liam's handlebars as he steers him round to his side. He knows Liam only lets himself be manhandled if Zayn knows exactly where he's meant to be so he lets Zayn move him to his door side, bracing himself on Zayn's shoulders and hopping into the car. 

They pull up home just after Louis and Harry have; Harry's just being helped into his chair by Louis and they slide forward to meet them, rolling towards the door together as they laugh about the time they found Niall curled up asleep on the front lawn. 

Their bungalow is small - three bedrooms and a bathroom, a largish living area with a too-big TV that Niall brought when they all moved in and a small kitchen and dining area with a tiny garden which is mainly a patch of grass covered in their cigarette butts. 

 

Liam, Zayn, Niall and Harry had all met on their first day of university. They'd all be assigned to live in bottom floor disabled flats, Liam and Harry because of their wheelchairs and Niall and Zayn because they'd applied late. Harry soon introduced them to Louis, his boyfriend of a year and a half who had moved away with him and now works at the local day-care centre. They'd all become fast friends and Zayn really can't imagine life without any of them; he's closer to all of them than his family, really. 

Liam ended up changing his degree in sports medicine to a four year part-time course so he could focus on his sport. Niall's course in engineering was always four years so now Zayn was finished he aimed to find work, any kind of work, so he could keep up their payments on their bungalow. 

Fortunately, Liam gets paid a fair amount by the national sports team and he's even been offered a chance to try for the Paralympic Team. Niall earns a fair amount teaching kids guitar and Zayn works in a local clothing shop and sells his artwork on the side so they're able to afford their three-bed, disabled-friendly bungalow and it's home. 

Liam unlocks their door and Harry rolls straight towards their bathroom while the other three head into the living room. As Zayn sets up FIFA, Louis helps himself to four beers from the kitchen and heads back into the living room, setting them on the coffee table so he can help the now-returned Harry out of his chair and onto the giant overstuffed sofa. 

Zayn has always marvelled at how Louis can simply lift his athletic, six foot one boyfriend out of his chair like a mother lifting a toddler from his pushchair. He settles himself down underneath him, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder. 

"Make yourself at home," Zayn says with a little eye roll, handing them both their beers. 

Instead of watching FIFA, Zayn turns on the TV and slots a forgettable film into the DVD player. They chat happily amongst themselves until Niall gets in, cheering loudly as he flops down onto the couch in between the two couples. 

"Look at me, fifth wheeling between my four favourite soppy bastards," Niall singsongs, snatching Louis' half-drunk beer from his hand. "It's like Christmas Day came early."

"You have a sad life if this is what you asked for for Christmas," Zayn chuckles. He and Liam are tucked close on the sofa, their legs tangled as best they can be. 

"What, the eternal happiness of all my best friends? I think that's a nice wish," Niall pouts, draining the last of Louis' beer. 

"Well when you put it like that it almost sounds adorable," Zayn coos, reaching over to pinch Niall's cheek. 

"I am the most adorable," Niall grins, snatching for Harry's beer. Harry snatches it back and Niall shrugs, jumping to his feet. 

"More beer and a takeaway menu?" he asks, skipping into the kitchen. 

"Chinese!" Liam calls. 

Two hours later, everyone's a little bit pissed and there's egg fried rice all over the floor as Niall takes on Harry in a violent game of FIFA, Louis sat behind him on the floor to keep him propped upright. Louis is a very competitive sports player, even more so when he's tipsy so he's angrily shouting about how shit Harry is loudly, leaving Zayn and Liam to stay tangled on the couch, kissing softly. 

"My head feels fuzzy," Liam whines into Zayn's shoulder. "I shouldn't have had that fifth beer."

"But we were celebrating," Zayn says, tapping Liam's nose lightly. "Do you want some water now though?"

"Will you sleep with me tonight?" Liam hiccups instead. Zayn raises an eyebrow but then Liam punches him feebly, giggling into his neck. 

"Not sex," he says, drawing out the second word. "I want to wait for that," he hiccups, "if you don't mind?" He looks nervous all of a sudden and then tries to pull away though Zayn keeps their fingers locked tight.

"Babe, we have so much time for sex," he says, squeezing his hand. "I don't want you to feel like you need to."

"You're too good for me already," Liam slurs into his neck, closing his eyes. 

 

"And you're really drunk, babe," he grins, kissing the top of his head. 

"Am I?" Liam wonders out loud. "I've never been drunk before."

Zayn grins. "Yes, Li, you are. Bedtime for you?"

"Bedtime for me," Liam singsongs back, going to sit up but sliding back down, grabbing at Zayn's shirt so he doesn't fall off the sofa. 

Zayn tugs him back upright and slides him into his wheelchair. "Oi wastemen," he calls down to his friends. "I'm taking Liam to bed, keep it down, yeah?"

Niall mimes sucking dick, Louis catcalls and Harry slams a goal against Niall while he's distracted. Zayn flips them all off, grins and bids them all goodnight before rolling Liam (who appears to be humming to himself) and directs him towards the bathroom. 

"Teeth and piss, sweetheart," Zayn prompts, opening the door for a giggling Liam. "Your bed or my bed?" 

Liam scrunches up his face like he's really considering it. "Mine," he says after a pause. "Bigger bed."

"Sure thing, babe," Zayn says as Liam unsteadily rolls himself towards the sink. "Lemme go and put some pyjamas on and we'll reconvene in five."

Liam giggles again and Zayn rolls his eyes fondly, padding down the hall to his room and slipping out of his clothes into a fresh t-shirt and pair of boxers. 

There's a crash and Zayn raises an eyebrow, hurrying back down their corridor to see Liam attempt to roll out the bathroom but hit the doorframe. 

"Oh Li," he sighs playfully and Liam giggles as he tries to roll back and aims again. Zayn holds out his hand and directs him next door towards his bed. Liam holds his hands out to brace himself on Zayn's shoulders so he can help him onto the bed. 

"You're so lovely, Zayn," Liam says as he makes grabby hands towards him, pulling him close. 

"You're lovely too," Zayn grins, kissing Liam on the lips. "Just bear with me a second, I need to clean my teeth."

By the time Zayn's comes back, Liam's got his eyes closed and he's breathing evenly. He smiles and slides under the covers, sliding as close to Liam as he dares because he's still concerned about crossing boundaries. 

"Zee?" Liam's sleepy voice drags out. 

"Yeah, babe?" he says as he props himself up on an elbow. "Are you okay? Do you want some water?"

"If I throw up I won't be able to get to a toilet," Liam says slowly, like it's something he's been worrying about for a while. Zayn nods, getting out of bed and pulling Liam's bin closer to his bed just in case. 

"You're too good to me already," Liam says again. Zayn shakes his head and pulls him close this time, peppering kisses into the back of his neck. "I like this a lot. It feels nice."

Zayn shakes his head, his eyelashes scraping lightly against the fine hairs on Liam's neck. "I'm definitely not too good for you, Liam. And I like this a lot too."

"Can you tangle our legs together again?" Liam says drowsily. "That felt nice earlier."

"Sure thing," Zayn replies as he tugs Liam's leg in between his own, hooking their ankles together. 

"I can't feel it but it still feels really nice inside," Liam says with a small hiccup. Zayn pretends that doesn't slightly break his heart and kisses his shoulder blade.

"Night, babe, sleep well," Zayn murmurs, the words _you're too good for me_ reverberating around his head for a long time before his body lets him drift off. 

*

Life goes on from there and it feels like all his missing pieces have been snapped into place. 

Zayn starts working full-time at the clothes shop which means their income increases slightly, which means that he can start saving up for his long-awaited trip back up to Bradford. His parents know Liam, obviously but this is the first time they're going to meet him as Zayn's boyfriend, which is making them both rather nervous. 

Because Zayn's never had a serious boyfriend before and it's not even like they're serious yet. They've been together four weeks and it feels so weirdly domestic already, like they've been in a relationship a lot longer, the only real changes being the kissing and the constant touches. 

They sleep side by side every night and wake up tangled together every morning and it's perfect. There were however two things that Zayn hadn't actually anticipated: the self-doubt and the nightmares. 

Liam never really told the four of them how he ended up paralysed, just that it was an accident when he was nearly sixteen and it essentially ended the sports career his parents had been training for since he was a child. Now he's twenty-one and working towards a different type of sports career and his parents are proud as anything, almost too proud sometimes. 

Liam hardly ever goes home because he feels like his parents are too belittling, he says. He's always been stubborn as long as Zayn's known him but his parents seem to be very protective and almost smothering, which is why he chose a uni nice and far away from Wolverhampton. 

Still, it shocks Zayn more than he cares to admit the first time he wakes up to Liam's top half violently thrashing in his sleep, murmuring words like "please stop" and "no, fucking no, please!" and "I'll do anything!"

Zayn never pries; he figures Liam will tell him when he's ready. 

The self-deprecation also gets to him quite a lot. Liam seems to think that Zayn's going to get bored of him and leave for someone better, which almost makes Zayn snort out loud because please. He's waited near enough three years to call Liam his, like he's going to bolt now. There's nothing he hates more than hearing Liam refer to himself as a burden, a _cripple,_ spitting out the words like they leave a bad taste in his mouth. 

He only realises how seriously Liam actually believes his words where they're arguing about the best way to get to Bradford. Liam says he's happy to drive but Zayn stated he was worried about Liam forcing his legs to be in use that long, to which Liam argued that maybe he shouldn't come at all if Zayn didn't want to make it easy to get the freak in the wheelchair to his parents, which started a row. 

"Babe, my parents are gonna love you even more than they already do," Zayn argues loudly. He's super glad Niall's out at Jade's right now. "Especially when they see how happy you've made me even after being together only, like, seven weeks when we finally meet up with them."

"I just..." Liam begins exasperatedly, "I don't want them to think you've... _settled_ or... or I'm a burden or whatever."

Zayn gasps and pulls back from him. "Are you... you're serious?!" he asks incredulously. 

Liam furrows his brows like it's obvious. "Zayn, you could literally have anyone," he snaps, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Literally anyone, yet you choose the cripple to take home. It just... it doesn't add up."

"Okay, wow," Zayn says, scratching the back of his neck angrily. "First of all, I am not settling for you, you piece of shit. Second of all, if I hear you refer to yourself as a fucking cripple one more time, I will bloody..." He pauses, still scratching his neck aggressively. "I don't know what I'll do but it won't be pleasant, that's for sure."

"But that's what I am!" Liam argues back, gesturing angrily to his legs. 

"You're Liam!" Zayn explodes, gesturing to all of him. "Liam, my best friend, my boyfriend, the person I care about more than I care about myself, Jesus! Do you not see how upsetting I find it when you talk yourself down like this?!"

"Sure, okay," Liam scoffs. "Upsetting for you to hear the cripple you accidentally fell for describing himself as what he is. Don't pretend you know how this feels, Zayn, you're not the one who wakes up every morning and remembers that you can't even get out of bed in the middle of the night for a piss without a fucking palaver."

"And you don't think it doesn't hurt me to see you pull that fucking hurt face you do when you ask me to help you?"

"Oh yeah, great. Sorry I'm such a fucking burden again, must be really upsetting that I jostle you awake when I have to get out of bed."

"Fucking hell, Liam, don't you fucking get that I love you too much to ever see you as a fucking burden?"

Liam freezes. "Excuse me?"

Zayn's eyes go wide but then he takes a deep breath and grabs for Liam's hand, pushing him back gently to hover over him on the sofa. 

"Jesus fucking Christ Liam, I am so completely head over heels in love with you that sometimes I don't know what to do with myself and I hate that you aren't proud of all you've achieved because you've done so much more than I ever have and ever will and I want you to know that I have never ever looked at you as a burden and never in my life will I."

"Y-you think you're in love with me? B-but you c-can't be," Liam stutters, looking up at Zayn fearfully.

"You don't get to tell me if I'm in love with you or not," Zayn says, resting their foreheads together. "I can be and I very much am. I want to take you home and introduce you to my mum as my serious boyfriend and take you on the best dates I can afford and kiss you stupid."

Liam still doesn't say anything, jus continues to fishmouth up at Zayn. 

"And I don't even need you to say it back," Zayn adds on hurriedly. "I just want you to know that I've been in love with you since first year and I'm falling deeper every single fucking day..."

Liam props himself up on his elbows enough so he can smash their lips together painfully. Their noses bump harshly but Zayn wastes no time in grabbing Liam's head and tightening his fist in the hairs at the back of his head. 

"I love you too, you arse," Liam says with a small smile. "I think I have for a long time but I didn't think I'd ever hear it back, I..."

"I'm going to tell you every single day for the rest of your life, sweetheart," Zayn says, this time kissing him a lot softer. It's another bold statement but Zayn suddenly isn't scared - saying it out loud and hearing it back has made him feel on top of the fucking world and he knows he wants him forever. 

"I think... I'd like that," Liam says softly. "I want to tell you too. I want to be the best I can be for you, legs or no legs."

"Babe, you could have no legs at all, no arms, you could be nothing but a fucking floating head and I'd still love you," Zayn says, stroking Liam's cheek. "What can I do to make you understand that?"

"Just... call me babe and hold me for a while?" Liam says quietly. Zayn nods. 

"That I can do," Zayn says, shuffling down Liam's longer body to rest his head in the crook of Liam's shoulder. 

They lie there for a long time, snug in each other's arms as their heartbeats move in sync. 

"So, Bradford," Liam says after a while. "You still want me to come?"

"No, I told you I love you and now I've changed my mind," Zayn grins. "Of course I want you there, idiot."

"Let's take the train," Liam says as he punches at a giggling Zayn's side. "I don't wanna drive for that long anyway. I'll pay."

"I can't ask you to do that, babe..."

"Your family are going to be feeding me and giving me a bed for four days, yes I can."

"Let me contribute somewhat..."

"No," Liam says firmly. "I know I don't know much about it but I think that's what boyfriends do. By their other halves presents and treat them to what they deserve."

"If you're sure," Zayn says, a tone of unsure still lacing his voice. 

"I'm sure. I still have quite a bit of money saved from last season and I'll get paid for the current season in a couple of weeks so money isn't a worry right now, promise."

"Okay. Thank you babe, that means a lot."

Zayn phones up work and takes the week at the end of July off so he and Liam can be in Bradford for four days before Liam comes back for the semi-finals. As a result, Liam starts spending a lot more time at the gym while Zayn's at work, working himself into the ground as he trains and trains. 

"Those things smell so gross," Zayn grimaces as he mixes up a protein shake and hands it over.

"Gotta be done," Liam says as he chugs the whole thing in one go. "Although I might start buying flavoured ones, Jesus fuck." He pulls a face as he hands it back to Zayn, who places it on the kitchen counter and bends down to give Liam a kiss. 

"You smell lovely, babe," he says as he pulls back with a scrunched up nose. "Shower time for you."

"Yeah, fine," Liam says with a yawn. "What time is our train in the morning?"

"Half 11, Louis' driving us to the station so there's no real rush," Zayn replies, running a hand through Liam's sweaty fringe. "Off you pop, babe."

"Do you...?" Liam starts, keeping his hand outstretched before pulling it back quickly.

"Do I what, Li?"

"I was, er, I was gonna ask if you wanted to join me? Maybe?" Liam says shyly, a hopeful inflection lacing his voice. 

Zayn's eyebrows shoot up. "You... Seriously?"

Liam nods slowly, like he's still trying to decide. "Y-yeah," he says, a little more surely this time. "Yes."

"Well, okay," Zayn grins, unable to stop his delight spreading across his entire face. "No pressure either, promise. Just putting that out there."

"T-thanks," Liam ducks his head and rolls away. Zayn lets him, leaning against the counter as he hears the bathroom door close, giving Liam a few minutes to sort himself out. 

In all their three years of friendship, Zayn has never once seen Liam without his kit on. He's seen Niall what feels like hundreds of times; hell, he's even seen Jade naked because they're not exactly the subtlest of couples; but Liam always keeps himself well covered, even after he's sweaty and gross from the gym. He even paid to have the bathroom lock fixed the same day Jade and Niall managed to break it because they couldn't get into the shower quick enough. 

He steps slowly towards the bathroom after he hears the toilet flush and the shower start up. Their shower is huge - specifically designed to accommodate a chair for Liam to use. Liam never lets either of them help him in or out the shower, refused even when he fractured his wrist after a nasty fall and Zayn has always respected that so letting him see him naked for the first time is a really huge deal. 

He pulls off his t-shirt and drops it on the floor of the hallway before he knocks tentatively on the bathroom door. "Li? You still want me?"

"Y-yeah," Liam says, a touch of fear lacing his town. "Just, promise me you won't b-be, like, repulsed or... or..."

"Of course I won't be, babe," Zayn says firmly, trying not to sound exasperated. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Liam says. Zayn can just picture his wide eyes as he gulps nervously. 

"Okay, I'm coming in," Zayn calls, shucking his trackies and opening the door in just his boxers. 

He opens the door slowly, the warm steam hitting his face immediately. He can see Liam on his special chair in the middle of the shower, sat rigid and terrified looking. Zayn quickly pulls down his briefs and steps towards Liam like he's approaching a spooked animal, his hands coming down to stroke across his shoulders gently. 

"Hi," Liam whispers, eyes almost painfully wide as his hands come up to grip Zayn's wrists tightly. 

"Hi darling," Zayn whispers back. "You're beautiful like this."

Liam's grip tightens like he's panicked but he nods. Zayn swings his leg over on Liam's lap so he's straddling him and leans forward to press their lips together, his already half-hard cock digging into Liam's belly. 

"Jesus," Liam mutters as Zayn's arms snake around his shoulders to pull him closer, his own cock fattening up on his lap as Zayn grinds his hips in slow teasing circles. 

"More," Zayn gasps as Liam starts to grind his hips as well, his fingernails digging into Zayn's back. "Li, Li, let me blow you, please can I blow you? Wanna see your pretty cock."

Liam freezes. "I-I want that, Jesus I want that, b-but you-you're gonna freak out."

"You think I won't like your cock?" Zayn says, pulling back to stare into Liam's eyes but Liam avoids his gaze. 

"Not m-my cock," Liam says staring at Zayn's belly button. "My thighs."

"Your thighs?"

Liam sighs. "Just... just look at them before you put your mouth on my dick, okay? And please don't ask why, I'll... I'll tell you soon. Not today, but soon, I promise."

Zayn nods simply and bends down to kiss Liam on the lips one last time, a soft swipe of tongues that leaves Liam breathless. Liam's panting heavily as Zayn adjusts himself, shuffling off Liam's lap to drop to his knees. 

He's not prepared for the sight of Liam's thighs covered in deep, deep scars, some almost white in colour, from the tops by the groin line all the way down to his knees. There are so many of them across both that Zayn doesn't even know whether to try and count them.

Zayn realises with a sudden jolt that Liam always wears basketball shorts, even at night in the middle of summer. He avoids looking up into Liam's eyes and simply starts pressing his lips into every inch of skin he can, squinting his eyes to fight back the tears.

"Zayn," Liam whispers, his fingers clutching tightly in Zayn's hair. "Zayn, say something, please."

"I love you," Zayn says, because he doesn't know what else to say right now. "I love you, I love you, I love you so much."

"Still?" Liam says, swallowing the lump in his throat. 

"Always," Zayn murmurs, pressing a kiss into his kneecap. "You're beautiful, I promise. I love you."

"Oh god, okay, okay," Liam breathes out, nodding to himself. "I really love you too."

He doesn't say anything else because suddenly the wet heat of Zayn's mouth is suddenly sucking him down in one swift movement, taking him in as far as possible so his nose is nestled in Liam's pubes. Liam's thicker than average and really long and Zayn's a little out of practice but he does his best because he thinks this might be the first time Liam's ever been sucked off and he wants to make it as good as he can. 

Zayn bobs his head up and down, running his tongue along the vein on the underside. He takes him deep again, sucking harder as he feels Liam's thighs tremble. 

He pulls off and takes him in his hand, stroking him gently as he looks up at Liam through hooded eyes. "You good, babe?" 

"Your voice," Liam says in awe, his own voice deep and raspy. Zayn takes him down again and Liam's hand comes up to trace the outline of his dick through Zayn's cheek. "Zayn, Z-Zayn I'm c-close."

Zayn picks up the pace, his hand pumping away furiously as he suckles on the head, sliding his tongue into the slit. Liam tightens his hands in Zayn's hair as he comes; spilling into Zayn's waiting mouth with a choked sound. 

Zayn swallows as much as he can, wiping his face with the heel of his hand as he rests his tired head against Liam's thigh. 

"Zayn," he pants, fingers sliding through his sweaty damp hair. "Zayn, wow."

"You like that?" he grins up at his boyfriend, pushing his shaky legs forward so he can stand up. He kisses Liam hard; sliding his tongue deep into Liam's mouth so he make sure he tastes himself, relishing the moans he makes. 

"That was... that was..." giggles Liam, resting his forehead against Zayn's. "Thank you."

"You already thanked me," Zayn laughs, kissing him again. Liam's fingers clutch tightly at his hips before sliding his hand down to dance his hand over Zayn's erection. 

He closes his hand around it, tugging experimentally. Zayn keens, supporting his arms on Liam's shoulders as his knees buckle. 

Zayn's orgasm comes quickly, already so worked up from already having Liam in his mouth. He shoots all over Liam's abs with his name on his lips, slumping forward afterwards so his forehead rests on Liam's strong shoulders. 

"Wow," Zayn pants, settling himself back in Liam's lap. "Wow."

"Was that good?" Liam asks, winding his arms around Zayn's waist. "It's been... I mean I haven't done that since before my..."

"It was bloody wonderful Li," Zayn smiles, "and you don't have to justify yourself to me, promise."

Liam nods into the back of Zayn's neck and they lie there in silence for a while, letting the spray drench them and keep them warm. 

"Want me to wash your hair for you?" Zayn offers. Liam nods and kisses his neck before Zayn stands up, grabbing Liam's bottle of shampoo from the shelf and squeezing a generous amount into his palm. He massages a lather into his scalp and Liam's breath hitches as Zayn gently tilts his head back so he can rinse it. 

"You're too good to me," Liam says once again. "You're lovely and your hands feel fucking amazing."

"I am lovely, aren't I?" Zayn says with a chuckle. "I'm gonna clean my teeth in here so we can go straight to bed; want me to grab your toothbrush?"

Liam nods and Zayn opens the giant door to the shower, drying his feet carefully on the bathmat before padding over to the sink and squeezing toothpaste on both their toothbrushes before heading back into the shower, handing one over Liam. 

They clean their teeth in a comfortable silence and then Liam hands his toothbrush back to Zayn, leaning forward as far as he can to grab his wheelchair. He slides out of the cubicle and he grabs a towel from the hook.

Zayn watches as he manages to lift himself up enough to slide the towel under the hips, tucking it on the side.

Zayn stares. "What?" Liam asks, furrowing his brows. 

"You just... you amaze me every day."

"How do I?"

"You just..." Zayn leans down to kiss him as he wraps his own towel around his waist. "You do. You're just amazing."

"I love you," Liam says, reaching out for Zayn's hand. They carefully head back to Liam's room, where Zayn's essentially moved in to anyway and Zayn closes the door as Liam rolls forward, grabbing a pair of boxers from his drawer. 

Zayn does the same and then shimmies into bed, making childish grabby hands as Liam pulls the brakes on and leans forward, hands grabbing Zayn's as he tugs himself into bed. 

Zayn settles himself in Liam's strong arms, his fingers toying with Liam's chest hair.

"I love you," Zayn murmurs, pressing his lips into just above Liam's heart. "Thank you for letting me in tonight, babe. It meant a lot to me."

"Me too," Liam replies, stroking through Zayn's thick fringe. "I-I wanna tell you, I really do. J-just n-not yet."

"I'll be here when you're ready," Zayn promises quietly, his eyes closing as Liam continues to scratch at his scalp just right. "Night Liam, I love you."

"Love you too," Liam murmurs back, pressing his lips into Zayn's temple. 

*

The train journey to Bradford is a nightmare. 

It's delayed by an hour and when it finally shows up there's barely any room as it is and there are people stood in the wheelchair space so Zayn has to ask them to move, much to Liam's clear humiliation. The train is long but Zayn stands with him the entire time, a solid hand on his shoulder as people raise their eyebrows at how much space they're taking up. 

"The train was a bad idea, I'm sorry," Zayn says, pressing a gentle kiss onto the top of Liam's head. "I should learn to fucking drive."

"It's not a problem, Zayn," Liam says, frustration in his voice. "We're nearly there anyway; it hasn't been that bad, honestly." 

It's so clearly a lie but Zayn's just glad that they're coming up to their station. He helps Liam off the train first before grabbing the small suitcase they're sharing and they head down the platform to where Zayn sees his mother's familiar car waiting for them. 

His mother jumps out the car and pulls him into a hug the second they're close enough. Zayn hugs back tightly - it feels like an eternity since he saw his mum - and she presses a lipstick mark into both his cheeks. 

"My favourite son, all grown up and committed!" she exclaims, keeping an arm around Zayn's waist as she leans down to press a similar smacking kiss onto Liam's cheek. Liam grins up at her, hands fidgeting nervously in his lap. 

"Lovely to see you again, Mrs. Malik," he says politely. 

"Nuh uh uh, my name is Trisha. You're family now, sunshine."

"I, er, thank you," Liam stutters. Zayn drops his hand so they can lace their fingers together and they both smile at Trisha, who rolls her eyes fondly. She grabs their suitcase and opens the boot so Zayn opens the passenger door and helps Liam into his seat, pressing a quick kiss onto his lips as he does so. 

"Look at the two of you," Trisha murmurs as he folds up Liam's wheelchair and slides it into the boot. "He's gorgeous, Zayn, good bloody work."

"Er, thanks?" Zayn says slowly, raising an eyebrow at his mother. She smiles again and pulls him into another tight hug.

"I mean it. I can't say that your father and I weren't... _surprised_ that you've decided to take this route but I've seen you two together for two minutes and I can already tell how much that boy loves you. He's a keeper."

"I've missed you a lot, mummy," Zayn says into her shoulder. "Thank you, it means a lot."

"Anything for you, darling. Now let's not keep your boy waiting."

Trisha slides into the driving seat and Zayn hops in the backseat behind Liam, ruffling his hair playfully over the top of the seat. 

"Now, Liam dear," Trisha starts as they pull out of the car park. "I hope you like spaghetti Bolognese because that's what we're having. I've also set you two up in the dining room because our staircase is a pain in the bum. I made Yaser go to IKEA and buy a brand new sofa bed for you guys, the old one was awful!"

"Oh Trisha, you didn't need to make that much effort, honestly," Liam says with a blush. 

"Nonsense! Family doesn't let family sleep on a crappy old sofa bed," Trisha says with a wave of her hand. "What do you want to do these next few days then?"

"Mum's cooking please," Zayn grins, sticking his head in between the pair in the front. "Mummy's homemade chicken pie and some quality time with the girls."

"Well, Yaser's brothers and their families are coming over to meet you on Thursday," Trisha announces, turning to bean at Liam at a red light. "Everyone is very excited to meet the one who stole our little Zayn's heart."

"Muuuuuum," Zayn whines. "You said on the phone you'd dial it down."

"Oh if you think I'm bad, imagine what your father's gonna be like," Trisha singsongs. Zayn groans. 

Yaser Malik is a tall, intimidating man but he has the heart of a teddy bear. He greets Liam with a big, booming laugh and a slapping handshake, which only makes Liam flinch slightly.

They settle down for their meal and Yaser playfully ribs them the entire time, asking about marriages and kids names, much to the delight of both Zayn's younger sisters and the humiliation of Zayn and Liam both. 

Yaser's interests change when Liam starts talking about basketball and how it's his real passion, alongside with West Bromwich Albion. They end up in a complex discussion about football as Zayn goes and helps his mother wash up.

"Your father is sold," Trisha murmurs as she hands Zayn a tea-towel. "Wali and Safaa are sold too. I'm so happy you're happy, sunshine."

"Thank you mummy," Zayn says, picking up a plate. "I... I really really love him. And thank you for... for treating him like a person and for buying the sofa bed for us and just... just everything."

"I know you do, darling. And he really loves you too, doesn't he?"

"I hope so," Zayn says with a small smile. "He's... I've wanted him for so long and it's like... I'm the happiest I've ever been." 

Trisha beams, dropping her pan in the soapy water so she can engulf Zayn in a hug. 

"You're a lucky boy and if he makes you happy then he's family. I mean that."

She squeezes him tight and Zayn just inhales the smell of home and cooking and detergent and happiness that he's missed so much. 

After the washing up is done and Trisha has chatted Zayn's ear off about how well Waliyha and Safaa are doing at school Zayn grabs several bottles of beer and a glass of wine for his mum and heads to the living room, where Liam and Yaser are still involved in an animated discussion about sports teams. 

Zayn hands Liam a bottle of beer and kisses him on the top of his head. "Do you want to sit on the sofa, babe?"

Liam pauses and then nods slowly, handing the beer back to Zayn. Zayn places it carefully on the coffee table and steers Liam over to closer to the sofa. Liam braces himself on Zayn's shoulders and lets him transfer him easily onto the sofa. He then rolls the wheelchair out of the way and then grabs both their beers before settling up close to him, knocking their bottles together with a smile. 

"Oh you two," Trisha says fondly as she flops down onto the sofa next to them. "So young and in love."

Liam flushes but squeezes Zayn's hand and Zayn kisses his cheek. 

"Stop embarrassing the boy, Trisha," Yaser booms. "It was bad enough when Doniya bought her boy home and you got the baby photos out."

"Whyyyyy?!" Zayn whines, glaring at his father, who simply winks back. Trisha's already up on her feet and over to the bookcase.

Three embarrassing photo albums and four beers later, Liam and Zayn are curled up together in the sofa bed, Liam's pillowed on Zayn's chest. 

"Your family are lovely," Liam mutters into Zayn's hair. "Your home is lovely and your sisters are gorgeous and they're as lucky to have you as I am."

"I hope you think they're lucky in a different way," Zayn teases, pulling away from Liam to roll onto his side, tugging Liam up so their faces are level. 

"Hi," Liam says, rubbing their noses together.

"Hey," Zayn whispers back. "My mum loves you. My dad loves you. When you meet Doniya she's gonna love you. I fucking love you."

"I hope in a different way."

Zayn grins. "Alright smartarse. Now kiss me."

*

The day before they head back home goes really rather badly. 

Yaser's family do come over on the Thursday and the house is full of the smells of food, the shrieks of children and people of all ages. 

Zayn actively never leaves Liam's side, hands warm and firm on his shoulders as he's passed round every member for introduction. There are a couple of funny looks from a few of the devout members of their family but Zayn glares them all away and any comments to the parents immediately get boomed down by Yaser. 

Liam and Zayn get a final few minutes to themselves when everyone's in the kitchen fixing themselves drinks so Zayn plonks himself in Liam's lap and rests his head on his shoulder.

"Hey babe," he murmurs into Liam's neck. 

"Hey yourself," Liam says, squeezing him tight. "Your extended family scare me."

"It's only because I've never bought anyone home before. I imagine they were like this with Doniya as well to be fair."

"Where is Doniya?" Liam asks curiously.

"She and her boyfriend live in Edinburgh now, both working up there."

"Hey Zayn?" One of his little cousins appears in the doorway, clutching a cup of juice in her little hand. 

"Hey darling," Zayn says, standing out of Liam's lap to go over to her. "What's up?"

"I, er, have a question for Liam," she says shyly, hiding behind his leg. 

"Sure thing," Liam says, leaning forward in his chair to grin and wave at her. 

"Um, well I just wanted to know, um, if your legs are broken, um, forever."

Zayn's eyes practically shoot out their sockets and Liam looks a little bit like he's been punched. 

"Ayesha," Zayn says sharply. "That's not a very nice question."

"But, like, why do my legs work and his don't?"

"Ayesha!" Zayn practically shouts, pulling away from her to go back to Liam's side. "Please, darling, try and be polite."

"Oh. Sorry," she murmurs, looking at her feet. 

"Zayn, it's fine," Liam starts, but Zayn shakes his head violently. 

"Were you in an accident?" Ayesha's older brother Ramil asks, appearing from nowhere. Without even realising pretty much all of Zayn's cousins are surrounding them, staring curiously at the boy in the wheelchair like it's safe to ask questions now their parents are in a different room. 

“Guys, please,” Zayn all but pleads as he feels Liam’s nervous hand start to sweat in his own.

“But Zaaaaayn, why can’t we ask?”

“Because it’s rude, Ramil, it’s not nice to ask about…”

“I-I was in a bike accident when I was fifteen,” Liam blurts out and everyone stops babbling to stare at him. “The brakes stopped working and I was going down a hill. I crashed and I severed the nerves between my brain and my legs so yeah, my legs will be broken forever. So wear a helmet, kids!”

It’s a lie – Zayn knows Liam well enough for that – but it seems to placate everyone and they even nod hurriedly at Liam’s sage advice. A few more ask questions and Liam babbles out some kind of bullshit answer but then Trisha is calling out that dinner is ready so everyone disperses.

Liam sighs heavily and rests his head on Zayn’s hip, his breathing suddenly heavy.

“I-I-I forget kids c-can be so curious,” he stutters, gripping Zayn’s hand tighter, if that’s even possible. “I just… I’ve not said it out loud for _years_ Zayn, and we don’t have many kids in our family so I never have to tell anyone.” He looks up at Zayn fearfully. “It… it wasn’t a bike accident.”

Zayn swipes his thumb across Liam’s cheek to catch the single spilling tear. “Babe!” he says, crouching down so they’re eye-level. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. You’re not ready, okay?”

Liam nods, kissing his knuckles. “How did I get so bloody lucky with you?” he whispers.

“The same way I got so bloody lucky with you, babe. Now do you want some food?”

"Yes please," Liam says in a small voice. Zayn kisses him quickly and goes into the kitchen, grabbing two plates and filling them full of chicken, salad and samosas. 

"Zayn," Ayesha says from somewhere near his knee as he's just heading to back to Liam. "Zayn, is Liam sad?"

"A little bit, sweetheart, you weren't very kind to him," Zayn says gently, putting the plates on the table as he bends down to her height. "It's not very nice to ask people in a wheelchair why they're in a wheelchair. It can make them sad."

"I didn't know," she says, her lip wobbling. "I don't want him to be sad."

"Hey, hey, no tears Miss Malik," he says, pulling her into a hug. "He won't be sad for long because he knows you didn't mean it, promise."

Ayesha nods. "Can you... can you tell him I'm sorry?"

"You can tell him yourself," Zayn says, standing up again and scooping up the plates. "C'mon princess."

He pads back to the living room, a plate in each hand and Ayesha's hand scrunched tight in the bottom of his t-shirt. "Here you are, babe." 

Liam rolls forward and accepts the plate, flashing Ayesha a brief yet small smile. 

"Hey Li? Ayesha has something she wants to say to you."

Ayesha looks terrified as she steps forward, her bottom lip trembling again. "I'm... I'm really sorry L-Liam," she says shakily. "I d-didn't know I was making you sad. I never wanted to make you sad."

Liam's face softens. "Hey, hey no, sweetie, that's okay. Thank you for saying sorry."

Ayesha nods, tentatively holding out her little arms to give Liam a hug. Zayn takes the plate off him as Ayesha climbs into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing. 

"What's going on in here?" Yaser asks as the rest of the family traipses into the room. Ayesha jumps out of Liam's lap and Zayn grins, plopping into it himself as he and Liam both eat their lunches surrounded by chat and laughter. 

The rest of the family leave around eleven, Liam dozing off on Zayn's shoulder as a space on the sofa opens up. Zayn's fingers scratch through Liam's scalp in circles and Liam purrs and jolts awake, snuffling adorably.

"Let me pull out the sofa bed for you two," Trisha coos as Zayn wraps his arms around a sleepy Liam, kissing him on the temple. 

Half an hour later, they're snuggled up close with their hands linked as they kiss softly. "I love kissing you," Liam says against Zayn's lips. "I didn't think anyone would want to kiss me again after my accident."

"I want to kiss you all the time," Zayn giggles, pressing his lips over Liam's nose, his cheek, his eyelids. 

"How many people have you kissed?" Liam asks shyly, pulling Zayn's hand up to his lips and brushing them over his knuckles. 

"Fucked if I know," Zayn shrugs. "Ummm, probably more than 50? I'm not sure, why?"

"You're my third," Liam says quietly. "I only ever got sucked off once before you as well."

Zayn nods slowly, kissing him again. "That's not a problem at all babe, you have time to learn if that's what you're worried about."

"Have you slept with...?" Liam starts but he blushes and stops. "Is it okay if I ask?"

"Sure, babe, I'm not gonna hide anything from you, promise."

"Have you slept with many people? Because I've never slept with anyone."

"I know, sweetheart," Zayn says and sighs, kissing Liam's hand. "I've slept with twenty-two girls and nine boys."

Liam nods, only looking a bit upset. "I don't... I don't really know what I was expecting but okay." 

Zayn kisses him because he doesn't really know what else to do. Liam kisses back hard with a lot of tongue as he fists a hand in Zayn's hair. 

"I, um, I want to. I want to have sex with you," Liam says, his voice growing in confidence through the sentence. 

A giant grin spreads across Zayn's face. "Yeah? You sure?"

Liam nods firmly. "Yes. Not... not yet. But soon. And t-tomorrow, when we're back home I'm going to tell you what happened. I trust you."

"Are you sure?" Zayn whispers, hand cupping Liam's cheek. "You don't have to tell me ever if you don't want to."

"No, you need to know. You and the boys. I want to tell you guys."

"Okay," Zayn nods. "Okay, if you're sure."

"Sure," Liam nods, kissing Zayn again. "I owe you this. I love you a lot and I want you guys to know. Harry told us so it's my turn now."

Zayn rests his forehead on Liam's collarbone, pressing his lips into the dip. "Love you more."

Their breathing evens out as Liam drifts off, their hands still intertwined. It takes Zayn a little longer to fall asleep, his mind racing through all the possible scenarios that could have happened to make his Liam how he is now. 

*

Louis picks them up from the station the next day, Harry in tow in the front seat. 

The goodbye was hard - Zayn unsure of when he's going to see his family again - so he's feeling kind of subdued. Liam squeezes his hand tight for most of the journey but he too looks nervous, like he's unsure he can fulfil his promise. 

"Hey lads?" Liam asks as he buckles himself in. "I... I wanna tell you something. C-can you come back to ours?"

"Sure," says Harry. "All okay, Li?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I'm just... I wanna tell you about how I ended up in this thing. That's all."

Louis nods, flicking the indicator to turn onto Zayn and Liam's road. 

Niall's there when they get in, curled up on the big sofa with Jade on his lap with Mighty Ducks playing on the flatscreen. 

"My boys!" Niall yells as they roll into the living room, dumping Jade onto the other side of the sofa as he launches himself into Louis' arms. "Missed you, you shitbags."

"Missed you too, bro," Zayn says, hugging him tightly. "Look, Ni, here's the thing. Liam wants to talk to us lads about something big so like..." He grimaces sheepishly. "No offence, Jade."

Jade waves a hand. "No worries, Zee. I'm gonna go take a shower and then I'll hang in Ni's room 'til you're ready." She gives Niall a quick kiss then ruffles Harry's hair as she leaves the room, whistling as she goes. 

"So what's this about?" Niall asks, grabbing his beer from the coffee table and flopping back into his old position. 

"Ummm," Liam says nervously as Zayn scoops him out of his wheelchair and into the armchair. "Okay, so, I've been thinking a lot recently and like, I know it's taken a long time for me to be ready but, like," he breathes heavily, scratching an angry hand up and down his neck. "Wow, sorry. It's just I've never... I've never said what happened to me out loud before."

Zayn presses their lips together briefly and Liam relaxes a little, running his fingers up and down Zayn's thigh. 

"We'll still love you," Niall says firmly. "Best pals through everything, promise."

There's a murmur of agreement across the room and Zayn kisses him again. 

"O-o-okay," Liam says, nodding quickly. "Okay, here goes." He takes a deep breath. 

"When I was fourteen years old, I tried out for The X Factor."

There's a short silence and then Niall barks out the loudest laugh Zayn's ever heard, nearly spilling his beer as he doubles over. Louis laughs loudly and even Harry's giggling. Zayn simply raises two surprised eyebrows and Liam sighs again. 

"Yeah, I know. Laugh it up! I was almost more scared to tell you that. I got through to the judge's houses but Simon told me I was too young and to come back in a year or two."

"No fucking way!" Louis says, sounding hugely impressed. "Good on you, Leeymo."

"I was... I was bullied something awful growing up," Liam continues, knuckles turning white as he grips the chair arm hard. "I was a sick child so I was an easy target. But after the X Factor thing, well, the bullying got a lot worse. Boys were getting stronger so I started boxing, you know, to defend myself. It was shit and I spent a lot of time skiving school, you know?"

"That's rough," Harry murmurs, pulling Louis closer to him. 

Liam nods his agreement. "It was horrible. Lots of meetings with teachers and parents and shit. Had to see my mum cry a lot too, that was hard."

Zayn stroke the short hairs on the back of Liam's neck reassuringly. 

"Anyway, when I was fifteen, there was a big track competition held at my school. And that was around the time that I was figuring out I was gay so obviously I was feeling a lot more cautious about the bullies than usual, trying to keep it hidden you know? Anyway, there was this boy on the track team from one of the other schools, Jack something. He kept looking at me and watching me and I was watching him because he was proper fit."

Zayn raises his eyebrows playfully and Liam gives him a small smile. "Not as for as you, obviously."

"Anyway, he blew me in the changing rooms after we thought everyone had gone." He grins despite the fact his eyes have filled with tears. "My one little rebellious act."

"Anyway, turns out we weren't as alone as I thought. I was seen, and then these _brutes_ turned on me and they..." He stops and swallows, clutching Zayn's hand tighter. 

"One of them tripped me as I tried to run away and they... they pinned me down and just laid into me," he rushes out. "They were kicking me and kicking me, stamping on whatever part of me they could reach, screaming _faggot, faggot, faggot!_ And one of them, his name was Mickey, he jumped on me. Whole body weight crushing me. Broke both my knees and severed the nerves from them to my brain, hence paralysed." He shrugs, ducking his head so he avoids looking at the rest of them. 

"Well, Jesus fuck," says Niall dumbly. Zayn's grip on him has gotten what feels like a thousand times tighter and as Liam dares to look at him he chokes out a sob, pulling his hand from his so he can wipe his eyes. 

"I'm going to fucking kill them," Louis growls, his hands balling into fists. "What the _fuck_ , Liam?"

"They're, um, well they were in juvi last I heard," Liam says with a shaky voice. "I don't... I don't wanna go home, like, ever, in case they're there you know? Like I want to see my mum but I can't, what is life?" He tries for a life but Zayn just lets out another sob, hiding his face in the back of Liam's neck.

He chokes back a sob of his own. "It's like, I worked so hard at running and boxing and then to be told you're never even going to be able to stand again, let alone do anything like sports, you just... you just..."

"Baby!" Zayn sobs. "Liam, I..." He bundles Liam as tightly as he can into his chest. Suddenly there are two more sets of arms around them as Louis and Niall barrel over, Niall himself crying in loud, ugly sobs. 

The five of them sit in silence as four of them cry and Louis boils. Zayn cradles Liam's head against his chest, hands scratching at the back of his head. Jade appears in the doorway, eyes wide as she surveys the scene. 

"What the hell happened in here?" she gasps, flopping down next to Harry and letting him cry into her towel turban. 

"N-Niall will t-tell you later," Liam weeps, his voice muffled by Zayn's sweatshirt.

Jade nods worriedly, her hand tracing circles up and down Harry's back. Louis starts pacing angrily, murmuring threats under his breath but Niall doesn't move, keeping both boys held tight. 

"I love you, I love you so much," Zayn says suddenly. He frantically wipes his eyes on the collar of his sweatshirt and presses his lips onto Liam's, ignoring the way they taste like salt and snot. 

The kiss lasts less than a second, purely for comfort purposes. They pull away and Liam wipes his eyes too before covering his hand with the cuff of his hoodie and wiping Niall's eyes. There is possibly nothing more heartbreaking than having Niall cry. 

"So," Liam starts nervously, scrubbing a hand over his face again, "I'll talk about it today, like any questions you have, go for it. But after today, can we, like, never talk about it again?"

Everyone nods quickly, including Jade. Niall stands up and grabs the curtain, wiping his eyes on it before hurrying to the kitchen and returning with a six pack of beer. He hands one out to everyone and they knock them back in silence. 

"Can you remember their names?" Louis asks, his voice still dangerously low. 

Liam nods. "I'm never gonna forget their names. But they'd kick your ass, Lou. No offence, mate, but you're a five foot nine white boy with a cup of tea tattooed on your arm."

Louis lets out a huge laugh, running a hand through his hair. He strolls over to Liam and presses a kiss onto his forehead then flops down in Harry's lap, wiping his tears and kissing him briefly. 

"I love you," Zayn whispers again. "I don't want to know anything unless you want to tell me, I promise."

"Same," says Niall, chugging the last of his beer and kissing Liam's forehead as well. "We're your best friends, Liam, we love you and we don't care how it happened. You're still our boy."

"Here, here," Jade says, draping her arms around Niall's neck. "Love you, LiLi."

"Love you," Harry says hoarsely, letting Louis wipe the last of his tears. "Chinese on us, yeah?"

"I can't, I've got to start extensive training next week," Liam argues but he's cut off by five scoffs. 

"Fucking please," Louis snaps. "We're not having a revelation like that for you to eat fucking salad afterwards, you piece of shit."

Zayn snorts into Liam's neck, letting his lips linger over it. Liam relaxes into his hold and nods, letting Louis dial their local takeaway. 

They don't talk about it for the rest of the night and nobody asks questions either. It's out and it's enough. 

And later that night, when they're back in Liam's bed and Liam starts crying again, sobbing out "I didn't deserve it, I didn't deserve it," over and over again Zayn holds him until his top is stained with tears and snot and hurt and anger and his heart has broken all over again.

*

It's two weeks before Liam brings up the idea of sex again. 

It's tense in a way that it hasn't been before between them. Liam's stressed with the semi-finals coming up and he's tired, so tired all the time.

Zayn works long hours as the summer sales start and when he comes back Liam is usually lifting or eating and in a foul mood. 

Fifteen days after the incident, Zayn is fucking shattered. He got into a row with a customer at work that was trying to swap the price tags on their items and as a result had to work an extra shift as punishment. When he gets home, Liam is in the kitchen and all he wants is a fucking cuddle so he goes over to his side and tries to kiss him, to which Liam just turns so he gets his cheek. 

"For fuck's sake, Liam!" he growls, slamming his hand on the counter. "Stop pushing me away! I don't deserve this!"

Liam, to his credit, does look sheepish. "'m not doing anything," he mumbles. 

"That's the point, Li! You won't... I just... you've been different and I just want a fucking cuddle from my boyfriend after the shite day I've just had but you won't even give me that! You haven't initiated a kiss or anything like that in two weeks! Will you just tell me what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" Liam chokes out a laugh. "No kisses in two weeks, poor you."

"Why are you being like this? Tell me what to do," Zayn pleads. "This isn't my Liam!"

"What you can do is stop looking at me with that goddamn awful look of pity on your face!" Liam yells back. 

Now it's Zayn's turn to look sheepish. "I don't pity you, Liam."

"Bullshit, Zayn. I know that look; I've fucking had it from everyone since I was fifteen. That's why I didn't tell you because I couldn't stand the pity coming from you." He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face angrily. 

"If I look at you like I'm pitying you then I'm sorry, babe, I'm so sorry," Zayn says softly, trying to catch Liam's eye. 

"Do you know, I phoned my mum to tell her I had a boyfriend a few weeks ago and she cried. Cried because, and these are her words, not mine, she never thought I'd get so lucky. Lucky to what? Have a normal relationship like anyone else? Lucky to find someone as good looking as you whose willing to overlook this damn thing?" He smacks his hand against the armrest angrily. "Fucking lucky, I am," he spits. 

"For fuck's sake," Zayn curses. He drops to his knees and grabs Liam's hands. "You know I'm the fucking lucky one here, right? I feel privileged as fuck that you were willing to open up to me and let me in and let me love you when I know you don't really like people touching you or anything like that. I love you and I'd love if you weren't in a wheelchair and I'd love you if we're blind and I'd love you if I was in a wheelchair too."

"Is it that simple?" Liam asks, his eyes wide. 

"It is if you want it to be," Zayn says desperately. 

"I just feel like..." Liam gulps but takes Zayn's hands properly this time, looking into his eyes, "I've given you up my biggest secret a-and you still keep things from me."

Zayn looks a cross between terrified and angry. "What do you want me to do then, Li? Tell you secrets? Okay, fine."

"Zayn..." Liam says but he cuts off. 

"When I was fifteen I made sure my parents caught me with a girl so they would think I was straight. When I knocked on your bedroom door to introduce myself to you on our first day in halls I felt like I'd been hit by a freight train. In our second year I pulled a boy with your hair and your eyes and I said your name instead of his when he made me come. I tell everyone my worst fear is open water but really my biggest fear is one day you finding someone better."

He's panting by the time he finishes the rant, knees shaking as he continues to clutch at Liam's hands tightly. 

"Zayn..." Liam says again dumbly. "I... those aren't the secrets I mean."

"What other fucking secrets could I possibly have?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Zayn. The fucking phone call you had with your dad the day after we got back. I could hear you shouting in Urdu and since then you just... it's since that fucking phone call you've been giving me that bloody look of pity." He glares. "You're doing it right now!"

Now it's Zayn's turn to look guilty. "I... I really don't want to tell you, babe."

"Babe," Liam repeats, spitting out the word with venom. "You arsehole. I literally have no secrets from you, why are you keeping it from me?"

"Because I want to protect you!" Zayn yells back, now standing back up so he can lean against the counter, rubbing at his eyes angrily. 

"Right, because the cripple in the wheelchair needs protection from his strong, magnificent wonderboy."

"It's not... of course that's not it!"

"Then what is it?!" Liam shouts angrily.

Zayn sighs. "You really want me to tell you?"

"Yes!" 

"Okay. Okay." He pinches the bridge of his nose, cursing under his breath. "My father phoned me to tell me..." He sighs again. "My father phoned me to tell me that he's spoken to my grandparents. Apparently my great aunt and uncle who you met up in Bradford are... well, basically they said that they don't want me to be in a relationship with you and as my father he should tell me to put an immediate end to it."

Liam doesn't say anything but his eyes go almost comically wide. 

"They basically told him to stop me from being in a relationship with a boy or they're disinheriting me," Zayn continues, avoiding looking at Liam. "It's either them or you, basically."

"Oh," Liam says in a small voice. 

"I don't pity you, Liam," Zayn says in a shaky voice. "I pity my family for not seeing that you make me the happiest I've ever been and if they can't see that then I don't want them anywhere near me or you. So my father and I, we agreed not to tell you about it because he said he doesn't ever want you to feel unwelcome with us because you're _not_. Not amongst the good ones."

"Oh," Liam says again. "Are you sure?"

"Sure that I don't want to be around homophobic morons who claim they'll only love me as their grandson or nephew if I'm in love with a woman? Yes I'm bloody sure."

They both avoid looking at each other for a while, Zayn breathing heavily as he grips the counter so hard his knuckles turn white. 

"Can we...?" Liam finally breaks the silence. "Can we go to our room? I don't... I don't wanna have a conversation like this when we're on two different eye levels."

Zayn nods, letting Liam roll first forwards down to their bedroom and he trails after, shoulders slumped. Liam rolls over to their bed and he slumps forward, shuffling on his pillows so he's sat up. Zayn follows, sliding next to him but still avoiding any contact. 

"Come here," Liam says tiredly, opening his arms so Zayn can lie in them. "Please."

Zayn nods and lies himself down on Liam's chest and the pair just hold each other for a while, Zayn's erratic breathing returning to normal. 

Eventually Zayn feels Liam's lips press themselves into his hair. He rolls himself over so they're facing each other and then Liam kisses him, all familiar soft lips and loving touches. Zayn sighs into the kiss and pulls him closer by the hips, almost tearing up with how _good_ this feels to be close to his boy again. 

"No more secrets," Liam whispers, pulling away but still cupping Zayn's cheek. "I love you and I trust you but no more secrets, okay? I can't do this if we're going to keep things from each other that's gonna make the other paranoid or pitied or anything like that, okay?"

"Okay," Zayn agrees, kissing Liam again. "Okay, I promise. I love you too."

"Good," Liam says, carding his fingers through Zayn's quiff. "Now do you wanna tell me why today was so shit?"

Zayn sighs but it's fond. "Just had this complete cunt of a customer. Called me some names and yet I got punished for it. Fucking grim, it was."

"What bullshit," Liam says, his eyebrows furrowing. "Fuck them, it's not like you'll be working there much longer anyway."

"Why won't I?" Zayn asks confusedly. 

"Because you're gonna sell out galleries, babe."

"I've not... I've not painted in so long though," Zayn says, biting his lip. 

"Why on earth not?" Liam asks. 

"I guess... I guess it because I've found something I love doing a lot more."

"You cheesy fuck," Liam grins. "Want me to make you feel better? Because I've been thinking about it a lot, you know, being inside you. And I'd really like that, like a lot."

"Yeah?" Zayn asks, biting his tongue cheekily. "I wouldn't _mind_ that."

"Oh fuck you," Liam says cheekily.

"You should be in a few days," Zayn giggles as Liam pokes his sides, tickling him as he laughs loudly. 

And a few minutes later, when the tickling turns into grinding against each other and cumming hard in their boxers, Zayn finally feels like he's got his boy back. 

*

"Louis, I need some advice."

Louis waves him off, watching the game avidly as Harry takes possession of the ball. 

"Lou, I really need to talk to you about something without the other three!" 

The buzzer sounds and there's a five minute break so the team take a pep talk and Louis finally turns to Zayn.

"What is it, you impatient piece of shit?"

"This is gonna sound like a really personal question, I know, but how to you and Harry have sex?"

Louis chokes on his Sprite. "Are you fucking serious?!"

Zayn sighs, sipping his own Pepsi. "Look, we haven't... gone all the way yet and Liam wants to top, which is fine because I've always been versatile anyway but I'm not sure how to go back about it."

Louis sighs, putting his cup on the floor. "Promise this never leaves the two of us?" he asks, holding out his pinky. Zayn hesitates but links their fingers with a nod. 

"Okay, so when Haz had his accident he was very young, just ten, right? So he'd never orgasmed before and since his accident he never has. Everything from the waist down is paralysed."

"Shit," Zayn whispers, eyes wide. "He's never had an orgasm in his life?"

"Nope," Louis says sadly. "He can't get hard, even when it's touched. But I take it Liam can?"

Zayn nods, only blushing slightly. "Yeah, he can."

"Haz and I don't have sex very often, because I don't like it being so one-sided. When we do do stuff..." He sighs. "Usually he fingers me or tugs me off but sometimes his body reflexively can make him hard, usually because of the temperature, it's very strange but I fucking love it. Anyway, then I ride him."

The buzzer sounds again and the team spring back into action, Liam's face tight and focused and sweaty. Suddenly, Zayn wants nothing more than to fuck himself up and down on Liam's dick, tracing the sweat on his collarbones with his tongue as Liam pounds into him.

"Jesus Christ!" Louis shouts as Zayn licks his lips. "I wish I'd never said anything if that's the face you're gonna pull."

Zayn grins around the neck of his bottle. "Thanks Louis, means a lot."

"Fucks sake," Louis groans. "Happy lifetime of sexual fulfilment to you." He slaps Zayn round the back of the head. "Watch the fucking game, man!"

"Yeah, yeah," Zayn snaps playfully. "I'm watching. Look at our boys, all sweaty and manly and..."

"Zayn Malik, you're a very bad person," Louis groans. 

The game finishes and Harry and Liam high-ten their win as Louis and Zayn hurry down the steps to grip their other halves. Liam tilts his head for a kiss that Zayn happily grants, deepening it more than usual. 

"Tonight when we get home I'm going to fuck you so good," he murmurs in Liam's ear and Liam's eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. 

"Oh," he murmurs, licking his lips. Zayn grins. 

Louis smacks them both round the back of the head, murmuring about stupid jumped-up sexually active wankers. 

*

"Should I shower first?"

"Fuck no," Zayn groans, dragging his tongue along Liam's collarbone, tasting the sweat and taste of Liam's manliness that drives him so crazy. He pushes Liam back down on the bed and drags his teeth across his chest, leaving faint red marks. "You smell so fucking good right now."

"So do you," Liam says, hands finding Zayn's hips and holding him in place. "Fuck, Zayn, take your clothes off for me babe."

Zayn practically rips his top from his body, tossing it over the side and bending down to kiss Liam hard. It's all teeth and tongue and passion and Liam groans, trying to shuffle further up the bed to pull Zayn in closer. 

He can feel Liam's erection pressing into his thigh so he pulls down his basketball shorts and grinds down, relishing in Liam's groan as he bites down on his tongue. 

"Yeah Zayn, yeah, like that," he stutters out. Zayn shakes his head and kisses him one more time before leaning forward and grabbing the lube from the bedside table. 

"I want you to open me up," he says in a husky voice, leaning back so he's straddling Liam on his knees. "Get me nice and open for your giant dick."

Liam nods eagerly, tugging down Zayn's briefs awkwardly. The second Zayn's adjusted himself so he's back straddling his boy Liam uncaps the lube, spreading it clumsily over his fingers.

"Slow, slow," Zayn warns, squirming as Liam's moist fingers dance over his rim. Liam breaches the ring of muscle slowly, letting his ring finger slide in to the first knuckle. "Yeah, like that," he grits out, bracing himself against Liam's shoulders as he sinks it in to the second knuckle. 

He draws it back out and then pushes it back in again, this time all the way. Zayn groans as Liam starts pumping it in and out, his eyes almost comically wide as he watched Zayn's reactions. 

"Another, another," Zayn pants out, clenching around Liam's finger. He nods and snicks open the cap of lube again, adding more to Zayn's hole as he slides in his middle finger slowly, pumping them in and out until Zayn is struggling to remain upright. 

"Crook your fingers," Zayn whines and Liam does just that, watching with hooded eyes as Zayn lets out an almighty moan, fingernails scrabbling at Liam's back for purchase.

"Another, babe?" Liam asks and Zayn nods frantically, starting to ride Liam's fingers as he adds the third. 

"Oh my god, Zayn, you look so hot right now," Liam gasps, pressing his lips into Zayn's stomach as he keeps fucking himself on his fingers. 

"Liam! Fuck me, put it in me." Zayn clenches tight around nothing as Liam pulls his fingers out and wipes them on the pillowcase before uncapping the bottle of lube again.

"Condom?" he asks, a sudden touch of nerves in his voice. 

"If you want one," Zayn says, stroking himself slowly. "I'm clean though, I promise."

Liam nods, slicking himself up as quickly as possible. He holds the tip of his cock level with Zayn's hole and Zayn starts to sink himself down eagerly, his fingernails still digging into Liam's back. 

"Oh my Jesus shit," Liam murmurs as Zayn's ass sits snug against his hips. "You feel so..."

"Fuck!" Zayn practically shouts as Liam snaps his hips once, his hands supporting him on the headboard. "Give me a minute to adjust, please."

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," Liam murmurs, tugging Zayn down for a kiss. This one is a lot softer, a lot more emotion and a lot of love. They pull back slowly and Zayn grins as best he can before lifting himself up slowly and dropping back down. 

Liam uses one hand to support himself and another to hold Zayn's hip as he starts fucking himself up and down properly on Liam's dick. He swivels his hips, managing to find his sweet spot and he picks up the pace. Liam snaps his hips up as best he can from his angle, sweat dripping off his forehead at an alarming pace. 

Zayn gasps as Liam wraps a hand around his dick and starts tugging in time with Zayn's bounces, burying his face in Liam's shoulder as he comes. 

Liam swears as Zayn clenches around him tightly, fucking up a few more times as he comes himself, deep inside his boyfriend's hole. 

"Fuck," Zayn pants as he gradually stills, resting his sweaty forehead in Liam's collarbone dip. 

"Fuck indeed," Liam grunts. Zayn carefully pulls himself off Liam's dick, the squelchy noise of Liam's cum making them both giggle like teenagers. 

"I love you," Zayn says as he settles himself back in Liam's arms, ignoring the mess of cum on his thighs and Liam's stomach. "Your dick too."

"Thanks babe," Liam grins, pressing a kiss into his sweaty head. "I love you too, and your gorgeous little arse."

"A match made in heaven," Zayn yawns, kissing over Liam's heart. "Sleep time, baby."

"Zayn, I'm going to be twice as disgusting in the morning," Liam warns but Zayn shushes him, snuggling closer. 

"You're my disgusting thing, I can live with it," Zayn says quietly. "Sleepy Liam."

"I'm not sleepy yet, you animal," Liam says, reluctantly pulling out of Zayn's arms to grab his wheelchair. He slides into it naked, ignoring Zayn's exaggerated whimpering. 

By the time he's showered, cleaned his teeth and wetted a flannel to clean Zayn up with, Zayn is snoring loudly, sprawled on his stomach with his face buried in a pillow. 

Liam grins as he slides back onto his bed, dabbing at Zayn's cum-stained thighs with the flannel. Zayn whines again and kicks his feet that Liam bats away playfully as he slides under the duvet, pulling it over both of them. 

"These sheets are gross," Liam murmurs. 

"Fuck off and let me sleep," Zayn groans, pathetically slapping at Liam to try and make him shut up. 

"Yeah okay, you animal," Liam says, snuggling into Zayn. "Love you."

"Love you," Zayn snuffles out, "now shut up."

Both boys fall asleep with disgustingly wide smiles on their faces that night. 

*

Zayn feels like he's floating.

He's just watched his boyfriend and his best friend play one of the best games of wheelchair basketball he's ever seen, scoring eleven goals between the two of them. By the time the whistle blows Zayn's in Niall's arms as he lifts him up into a bone-crushing hug, the three boys in the stands yelling louder than the rest of them combined. 

Zayn and Louis both thunder down the stands the second Niall has let Zayn back down. Their boys are embracing tightly, Harry's face buried in Liam's neck. They spring back from each other when they spot their boys, Liam grabbing Zayn's hand and kissing him with everything he has. 

"I won! I won the finals, Zayn!" he says, tears of pride in his eyes. "I just..."

"I love you so much," Zayn chokes out, running his hand through Liam's sweaty fringe. "You've made me so fucking proud, babe."

"Babe," Liam echoes, his beam wide as they kiss again. 

"Mr. Styles? Mr. Payne?" a voice says. They break apart to see a giant suited man, sporting a large grin to match all theirs. "My name is Paul Higgins, I'm from the British Paralympian Association."

"Shit," Louis mutters and Paul looks over to them with a smile. 

"And these are your boyfriends?" 

"Louis Tomlinson, sir."

"Yeah, and this is my Zayn."

“Zayn Malik, sir.”

"And you are?"

"Niall, my good sir. Another Irishman along for the ride."

Paul raises an amused eyebrow but carries on. "This was one of the best games I've seen in a long time. I'd really like to offer you both a trial for the British Paralympic Team of 2016."

Liam's mouth drops open, Niall whoops and Louis lets out a small wail. "Are you serious?" Harry asks, gripping Louis' hand tightly. 

Paul nods. "Very serious. The trials are next month; can I expect to see you there?"

"Ab-absolutely!" Liam says, dumbstruck.

"Lovely!" Paul shakes all five of their hands, before handing both Liam and Harry a card and waving as he leaves. The second he's out the door Niall grabs Liam round the neck and kisses him all over before doing the same to Harry. 

"You guys!" he shouts happily. Liam and Harry are both dragged away by their coach and their families so Zayn grabs Louis and Niall and they jump together squealing like children. 

"I've never been so proud of them," Niall says, choking back a huge sob. 

"Oh bloody hell, Niall, are you crying?!" Louis asks incredulously. 

"Only because I'm so happy!" Niall weeps, burying his tear-streaked face in Louis' shoulder as Louis laughs into Zayn's.

And that night when Zayn's lying there, an exhausted Liam breathing heavily beside him with the sheets pooled around his hips, he kisses him all over and murmurs how proud he is. And Liam grins and kisses back until their mouths are swollen and their voices wrecked, murmuring incredibly cheesy sentiments into each other's mouths. 

And when Liam and Harry get selected to play Wheelchair Basketball in Rio De Janeiro and the five of them and Zayn's family and Liam's parents have to fly out there together and his babe helps win the country a silver medal, he knows that Liam finally understands he's so much more than his wheelchair. And that's all he's ever wanted from life.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr tumblr tumblr](http://bigdaddypayne.tumblr.com)
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> oh, and i like comments and kudos a lot.
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